


Is it Better to Remember?

by MaiadaughterofAtlas



Category: Veronica Mars (TV)
Genre: Anorexia, Eating Disorders, Fainting, Friendship, Gen, Hospitals, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Logan to the Rescue, Mac and Logan crime fighting duo, Medical Conditions, Rape Aftermath, Seizures, Self-Harm, Sick Character, Veronica kinda doesn't make an appearance for like ages but that's okay, Whump, more of a thriller than anything else
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-27
Updated: 2020-10-09
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:22:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,670
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26238559
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MaiadaughterofAtlas/pseuds/MaiadaughterofAtlas
Summary: Takes place between Of Vice and Men and Lord of the Pi's. This is a what-if story, based on the concept of an additional victim.
Relationships: Cindy "Mac" Mackenzie & Veronica Mars, Logan Echolls & Cindy "Mac" Mackenzie, Logan Echolls & Original Female Character(s), Logan Echolls/Veronica Mars
Kudos: 1





	1. The Morning After

**Author's Note:**

> This chapter is told entirely from the point of view of an original character named Tali. WARNING: Vomit, rape and sickness mentions. There are three original characters in this fic who are Melanie, Tali and James (J), the fic surrounds them as well as the characters we know and love.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tali takes care of Melanie and meets Logan and Mac.

I woke up in my college dorm to the sound of retching. _Oh shit. I wonder if she got to the toilet this time._

I quickly get out of bed and rush to the bathroom, sadly for all of us involved, my roommate is not there. Which means she’s likely in bed. Oh god, help us. So once, again for the fifth time this year, I shake her awake. She’s incoherent and doesn’t seem to be processing the fact she’s lying in puke. Whatever. If we don’t get moving soon, we will be late for Psychology. So, I rush her into the shower and help her scrub herself off and wash her hair. She hasn’t said a word yet, which would be surprising if it was anyone else. Given her history and fear of being sick, am I surprised not so much. Once she seems okay in there, I rush over and strip her bed, throwing the sheets in a laundry basket to drop off on the way to class. Then, I get myself organized and grab her a baggy blue camp sweater and black leggings and head back into the bathroom. The shower is turned off, and she’s sitting on the toilet wrapped in a towel. I hand her the clothes and brush my teeth. And then we are off!

We drop off the laundry on our way to class. We are probably 2/3 through class when we reach a problem. Melanie is pale as Snow White and looks almost sickly and warm to the touch. The TA, Kate, waves me over, and after explaining the assignment, expresses some concern for the girl sitting beside me. I look back at Melanie, and she seems to not even have the strength to be writing out the notes for the lecture. So, I turn around and ask for us to be excused for the rest of the lecture. Thankfully, the TA agrees. Probably because Melanie appears to be holding her stomach and grimacing now.

I return back and announce to Melanie that we are going back to the dorm. We grab our stuff, and we are off. We get back to the residential hall (Mac’s hall). Then Melanie goes rigid, not even a second later, she’s on the ground unconscious. I immediately knelt on the floor by her side, trying to decide if I should place her in semi-prone or just leave it and wait for her to come to. When she starts seizing, which mind you, is out of my first aid knowledge and my Melanie first aid knowledge. After my realization that this is far out of my understanding, I begin to scream, “help – I need help” again and again. Until finally, a girl and a guy come running over. The guy immediately takes action and strips off his shirt and sticks it under Melanie’s head and then holds her head down with his hands. I guess it’s too decrease the damage to her head while she seizes. He asks me, “How long has she been seizing for?”

I reply, glancing down at my watch, “She’s been seizing for 1 minute and 30 seconds.”

And then almost like magic, she stops. When she opens her eyes, she’s shaking, and then her breathing goes heavy. And for the first time, I recognize the thought process going through her head. She’s going to pass out at this rate. So, I start talking to her, “Melanie, you need to calm down. We are safe. We are by the dining hall at Hearst College. Wherever you think you are right now, it’s in your head. You are safe now. Take a deep breath in with me. Hold. Breathe out.” Her smallest gasp of breath is audible through the wheezing and hyperventilating. “That’s it. You’ve got this. Let’s do another one. Take a deep breath in with me. Hold for four beats. One. Two. Three. Four. Breathe out. You’ve got this. You are doing great.”

When I finally focus on the rest of her is when I notice that she’s still pale as a sheet and looks more unwell than usual. At the same time, I remember the puke on the sheets this morning and the fainting and seizure, and at this point, we might as well call an ambulance.

I’m getting my phone out of my bag and dialling 911 when the guy from before said, “Watch out. I think she’s going back under.”

Oh god. Yeah, we definitely need an ambulance now. I’m talking to the EMT caller person, and I’m panting and just trying to get the whole story out. From the puke in the bed this morning to the second seizure occurring as we spoke. When I’m asked about her medical history, is when I freeze up. Because fuck. Her medical history is just a lot of question marks and doctors saying hmm, that could be serious but not really my expertise, let me refer you to this specialist. Then going to said specialist and being told the exact same. Really, the only thing I could think to mention was the fact that she has Postural Tachycardia Syndrome (POTs). My words are stumbling for sure. I think I’ve reached a new level of anxiety courtesy of my dear friend. And the next thing I know, the EMTs show up and are bustling around, and they lift her up onto a stretcher, and we are asked which one of us wants to come with. And the guy from before who I still haven’t gotten the name of is helping me up and telling the EMTs that he’ll drive over to the hospital. Suddenly, I’m at the hospital, and she’s being taken to be examined by a doctor, and I’m alone in the waiting room. Then, the two students from earlier show up, and the girl asks me if I’m okay. Of course, this is the breaking point for me, and the tears, which I’ve spent the past few days holding back come running down my cheeks.

The girl turns to me and says, “Hey, it’s okay. Today was tough, but she’ll be fine.”

“Yeah, your right. She’s pretty strong. I was just so surprised by the seizure as she has never had a full-fledged one before.

She replies, “I’m Mac, by the way, and this is Logan. We probably should have introduced ourselves earlier. Is she really sick? How long have you two known each other for?”

“I’ve known her since I was 12. We met at camp back home and became pretty close. We didn’t even plan to both apply here; it just sort of happened. We didn’t even ask to be roommates; we were paired according to Hearst because we had a lot in common. Which is true. It’s why we’ve been friends for so long. She’s been fainting practically forever, although it’s gotten worse over the past year, she’s been having these shaking episodes.”

We continue talking, and eventually (probably after an hour or so), a doctor calls out, “Family for Melanie Green.”

I’m out of my seat in seconds and ran over to the doctor. I introduce myself as her cousin. During which, Mac and Logan have come over. The doctor says, “She’s going to be fine. The seizure left no lasting damage. We are worried about the fact she has yet to say anything and does appear to be in shock. We have yet to do a full body examination, but we do believe we should keep her here until she begins to speak. You can visit her if you’d like. Her room number is 115.”

Logan pulls me along, “it’s this way, to room 115.”

When we arrive. I go in first and just talk to her. She has yet to say anything until I asked what happened. She replies, in a quiet and broken voice, “I’m not sure. I-- I don’t remember.”

I whisper back to her, “Oh god. No. god, that’s bad. Very bad. Could it have to do with what we’ve been researching? You know, with the campus rapes?”

She whispers back, “Tali, no. I can’t think about that. It’s probably just my usual memory issues.”

After a few seconds, I whisper back, “Have you been eating? Are you sick or just you know, doing your usual thing?”

She sighs (might I say loudly), and retorts, “Tali, just leave me alone. Go back to Psych or your room or whatever.”

I look back at her as I start tearing up again, “I’ll be back.”

I take one last look at her as she rolls over facing towards the window and leave shutting the door behind me. Logan and Mac are standing there chatting; Mac immediately looks up when I close the door.

I can’t even help it, when I start explaining what’s going on, “I’m worried about her. She doesn’t remember anything. From yesterday including the night, and it was another Pi Sig Party, which if you keep up with the campus news at all. You’d probably know what that means. It just doesn’t match up with the usual thing, though. Her hair is intact, and you know, that’s a pretty signature move. Could she have taken something and just not remember?”

_I know I’m spirally, but for goodness sake, when I woke up to retching this morning, I never could have predicted this outcome._

Logan and Mac both look angry at the concept of what I’m hinting at, and I can’t help but agree with that standpoint. I’m beyond mad at myself for letting this happen. At this point, I’m unsure if I’m speaking aloud or altogether just out of it, and it’s my inner voice trying to work through this all. “I never should have left her. Fuck. She was supposed to stay with James all night.”

At their look, I clarify. “Her brother, James. He’s younger, like a year younger. He’s attending Neptune High cause her parents were like he’s smart enough to just not get into trouble while we figure out things back home. He sometimes stays in our room and just chills with us. Fridays are their nights to hang out and figure their lives out, so he usually picks her up right after his last class, and they go get ice cream and come back to the room and chill out. He told me he had plans today and needed to go like home for the night yesterday. I didn’t think much of it at the time. I should have made him just stay the night or for her to go to his apartment and like sleep there. Fuck. I should call him and like tell him that his sister is in the hospital.”

Mac places her hand on my shoulder and tells me to chill the fuck out, and for the first time since I walked out of her room, I take a breath. “Thanks for the reminder, Mac,” I reply.

Logan has a strange look on his face (almost like he’s scared, not like my mother is dead fear but like shit, there’s a ghost in the house with me scared), “I’m going to go request a blood test for GHB, that way we can find out what happened. Call her brother and have him come, and we can try to backtrace what happened last night.”

And then he’s off running down the hallway to find a doctor. I pull out my phone and find James’s number and call. He answers right off the bat, and I abruptly realize I’m not sure what to tell him, instead of focusing on that. I quickly tell him that his sister’s in the hospital after a seizure and it’s terrible and I’m really worried about her. I can hear his breath take a sharp intake, and I just want to hug him because, honestly, he’s the only one here who’s gone through this before with me. I tell him we are at the regular hospital and room 115 and to come quick.

I’m positive I lost track of time. Mac led me back into Melanie’s room and starts pestering her with questions about her life. I think she’s trying to distract her from the reality we are all living in. The door is thrust open, and Logan and James walk in. James’s at her side in a minute, and she’s reaching out and patting the bed and practically begging him with her eyes to come sit with her. He sighs and sits down on the bed and allows himself to be wrapped in a hug and finally Melanie closes her eyes and sleeps. Her head against James’s chest and her breathing evens out, I help James tug the blanket around her. Finally, he asks me what happened.

I sigh again because that’s the big question. I sit down at the corner of the bed and let Mac and Logan take the chairs.

I repeat what I’ve already told Mac and Logan with some added details for the benefit of James.

“I woke up to her puking in her bed. She wasn’t fully awake and I was in a rush so I helped her out a bit and it’s all a bit of a blur. She wasn’t speaking at all, she didn’t speak until we were at the hospital. You know how she is. Sometimes, she just doesn’t want to speak and other times she physically can’t speak. I guess I should have known something was wrong, she usually complains (quite loudly) when sick. But, she’s also given me the silent treatment in the past so I just didn’t think too much about it. We grabbed a quick breakfast at the café and went off to class. She got pale during that first 45min like ghostly pale, and never picked up her pencil. I knew she needed to get out of there when the hiccups started and it looked like she was doing everything in her power not to throw up on the desk. So, I got her out and we took a quick stop at the bathroom. She was fine, and didn’t puke or anything so we continued walking back to the dorm when I guess she got dizzy since she stopped walking and just stood there for a second or so. I should have just gotten her to sit down but she knows herself pretty well so I thought it was just a dizzy flash not anything to worry about. Boy, was I wrong. She fainted and I didn’t quite catch her on the way down.”

James: “Shit Tali. Was she checked out for a head injury? Concussion?”

I continue talking and decide to appease James should take some priority since he looks 10 seconds away from a panic attack himself.

So I reply, “A doctor checked her out. That’s the only thing they’ve looked for. The MRI came out negative, so she’s okay. Well in that way. There’s um there’s more.”

I sigh. _This never would have happened if he’d stayed put last night. He’s going to blame himself and then I’ll have two depressed Green siblings to deal with._

“She had a seizure, J. The first lasted a minute and a half or so and I just didn’t know what to do so I screamed for help. Mac and Logan here heard me and came running. Logan really helped her, he knew what to do to help. The second one hit a few minutes later, which was when I called the ambulance. I think she hasn’t been eating again. It’s the fifth time this month she’s puked and I guess what I’m saying is that I think she’s still doing it and she won’t stop. I’m so freaking worried, J. It’s not even April yet, her usual depression month where she swears the world will end. She’s not doing well, I think the campus rapes finally got to her.”

James: “Oh god. No, this can’t be happening again... Tali, she wasn’t feeling well yesterday. We went for ice cream and on the car ride back, she was sick. I thought it was just food poisoning or too much sugar and her body couldn’t handle it or something. I, I didn’t think about that. What has she done.”

“Wait, she was sick yesterday? Why didn’t you tell me?” I ask.

“I left you a voice mail explaining that she wasn’t feeling well, so we were gonna just cuddle and watch a movie. I wanted to monitor her. Make sure nothing more was going on. We spent the next few hours in her dorm together. She fell asleep for a bit and by the time she woke up, I had ordered and finished dinner. I tried to get her to eat some chicken noodle soup; you know the box kind we have at camp? She had a couple of bites, before pushing it away and announcing she was full. We watched a movie until like 9 pm when this guy came by and asked if she’s up for book club tonight. Apparently, even throwing up wasn’t enough to deter her from going. She didn’t want to leave my side I guess as she invited me to come. There was only one other girl there and three guys and we literally sat in a circle and discussed The Illiad (why that was the book in question, I couldn’t tell you). After awhile, the guy who came by offered us all tea and bid goodnight to the other girl and the guy she was dating. I’m not sure what was in the tea but when Melanie and I got back to the room we both pretty much crashed. She didn’t really say anything and seemed to have trouble with her balance and needed to lean on me for some of the way back. But since it’s Melanie who has zero balance on a good day, when she’s healthy and all. It didn’t seem that significant. She was out like a light pretty much as soon as she laid down in bed probably around 10:30, maybe 11 pm. I fell asleep pretty much right afterwards, likely around 11:15 ish. I went to sleep in your bed, Tali. I woke up to the sound of someone fighting. It wasn’t coming from inside the room so I went and explored in the hall to try and figure it out. When I came back, I heard the sounds of someone having sex. I was out of it. Kinda felt like being drunk, so I thought it was just you and your boyfriend or the walls being super thin or something. And I just fell back to sleep… From your shocked face, I’m going to take it you didn’t fuck your boyfriend last night.”

Tali scoffed, “Yeah, that’s a solid no, J. I was at the Pi Sigs Party until 2 am.”

James: “Oh god. But Melanie doesn’t have sex. Does, this mean that she was raped.. and I was in the room and didn’t do anything. Oh god, I let this happen. Oh god.”

Tali: “James, you need to calm down. It’s good that you remember this much. It’s really helpful. You honestly couldn’t have predicted this result. Hey, you’re okay. Take a deep breath, J. You need to calm down. This isn’t the moment for her to wake up.” I state pointing to Melanie still clutching his shirt in her sleep.

James’s face has crumbled and his breaths are coming in, in short gasps. He’s clutching my hand in a death grip as his eyes well with tears which cascade down his cheeks.

The room is deafening silent and I honestly don’t know who should speak first. After an eternity, Mac lays a hand on J’s back and starts to whisper to him that it’s okay and it will all be okay. She slowly explained that she and her friend Veronica had been in a similar situation a few weeks earlier when her roommate, Parker was raped. As Veronica had been in the room for part of it, and that’s a guilt that the three of us now share. We could have stopped it, if we’d realized what was happening wasn’t consensual if we had decided to wait a minute and turn on the lights.

James’s face is stained with tears but he seems to be breathing a little easier.

“I hate to ask but what happened next?” I asked as my voice cracked.

“Around 1 am I woke up to the sound of the door opening. I remember going straight to the bathroom and like washing up and the clock was just eerie. It felt like I was dreaming if I knew what was going on was real. I would have tried to do more. There was this person or body it was cloaked so I couldn’t see the face at all. I decked him. Which may have caused more pain than anything else. I remember hearing her cry, I couldn’t figure out why at the time. It took me until much later to figure out that she wasn’t the one in control. The razor wasn’t in her hands originally. So when I decked the dude, the razor fell but it was still on. I could hear it buzzing. I heard it moving through something."

Logan had walked over and pulled up the sleeves of her sweater. And on display for everyone to see were large cuts which only an electric razor could have managed. I’m sick to the stomach immediately as two thoughts run through my brain. A) She cut herself or was cut by an accident. B) That wasn’t there before which means it wasn’t a dream or hallucination. James interrupted it. My face must have shown my fear as James continued speaking.

“And with this not being a dream, if she was even somewhat aware of what happened, I think you’d want to be in control of something as well. Especially, given that this was real. I got her to the bathroom and basically washed all of the cuts with soap and bandaged them up as best as I could. She wasn’t conscious really at this point, definitely confused. So, I got her back into bed and I locked the door and sat by it for an hour or so. Once, I was sure everything was okay and she was safe I locked up the room and sat outside for a while and then went home to the apartment. When I woke up I thought it was all just a dream. A crazy one, but just a dream or hallucination from whatever I had taken. Nevertheless, it wasn’t. I wasn’t hallucinating or dreaming that was all real, wasn’t it?”

I think this is the moment, James fully loses it and it comes to me at this point we’ve been sitting in here for hours without eating anything and in James’s case without sleeping and we are living my worst nightmare.

_I wish I had more tears to cry, something to release the tension and absolute horror and fear I’m feeling but I’m empty. I want nothing more to forget this entire day didn’t happen, I could go back to hanging out and reading horoscopes and laughing over the craziest shit. And all I can think about is if Melanie was conscious I’m not sure what she’d do. Before she was just struggling with her body image and yeah she’s underweight which isn’t good but she was doing okay. She still wanted to keep living and keep going, she was scared of herself and what she calls the other Melanie but she didn’t want to give in. She wasn’t ready to stop fighting. I have to pray when she wakes up and fully understands the consequences of the world she lives in that she will not want to stop fighting for her future._


	2. I Guess I’m Stuck (with myself)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James comes to terms with what happened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've just edited it for some clarity purposes (I managed to leave a sentence in from my original draft).

I think I’ve reached a new hell. Whatever I thought I knew before, how bad life has gotten. God knows I’d do anything to turn back time and never allowed Melanie to go to that stupid book club. The only thing keeping me going is the bitter taste of this hospital coffee, and the fact that the blood test came back. It’s positive, which means she was drugged. And more than that, it means I know the face of the guy who did it. 

I glanced back over to my sister, and I’m shocked, to say the least, that her eyes are open and she’s pushing herself upright.

“Hey, Hey. You’re okay. I’m going to go grab a doctor. I’ll be right back.” I tell her as I look into her emerald eyes, which aren’t glistened with tears (which is a rare feat on a good day).

“James?” She utters.

“It’s me, buckaroo. I’ve got you now.” I reply with a broken grin. _Not really broken, I guess, more of a sad grin or a faux grin. Take my descriptions with a grain of salt. I’m emotional, all right. Great. Now, I’m talking to myself again. Bye, Inner James._

“It hurts, my head; it really hurts.”

_I take in her grimace and the way she’s moving her hand up to her head and sigh. She’s going to be the death of me, one way or another._

“I know, darling, I’m going to go find a nurse and see if we can get some painkillers,” I answer.

_After taking one more look at the weak remnant of the girl, I went for ice cream with time and time again. The girl who tutored me in history and always had some candy to offer before a test. The girl who’s my sister and worked to find the time for me, regardless of how weird our home life got. The girl, who, when I was at my worst, worked her ass off to give me something to live for._

After a few minutes wandering the halls of the Neurology Wing, I find a nurse.

I turned to her, and I guess the reality of my request has finally come to the forefront of my head. I take a deep breath and say, “Um, hi. My sister is in Room 115, and she just woke up; I’m kinda confused about if there’s anything I should be doing. Her blood test was positive for drugs; I think we need to get a rape kit done.”

“I’ll be right on that. Let me go notify her doctor, and we’ll get it all sorted out.” She replied.

“Thanks.”

And I’m off practically running back to her room, with the hope that she hasn’t figured out that anything’s wrong. Or if she has, at least that’s somewhat of a relief as I won’t be the one who has to tell her. How in the world do you ask your sister to do a rape kit? Knowing that she likely has no idea what one entails and has no desire to find out.

I’m not sure what will be worse, her reaction to finding out there’s a possibility of rape and sexual assault or that she was certainly drugged. Given her history around even fake drugs, I’m worried. She’s the girl who cried and had a panic attack when an older friend of hers ran a program involving drug awareness and fake drugs. Given she couldn’t get it out of her head and couldn’t really explain how downright terrified she was.

I’m not sure if I should be happy or sad that I’ve caught sight of her door. When I catch sight of my reflection in the glass, I sigh again for the billionth time. Because god knows and soon Melanie will, that I look like a sleepless vampire who's survived the zombie apocalypse and turned back for more. Well, staring at myself in this almost mirror won’t help me to fix any of this. So, instead of dwelling more on things that I really cannot fix, I open the door to the sight of Logan and Mac telling stories to a stormy version of my sister who’s clearly out of her element.

“Hey, Sis. It’s good to see you up and all. How are you feeling?”

_Fuck. How do I interact with her knowing what I know? How in the world are Logan and Mac? Do I really need to bite the bullet on this one and face the situation?_

“I’ve been better, brother dear. Mind telling me what I’m doing in a hospital? Specifically, why the hell my head hurts.” She demands.

_I consistently forget how much trouble she is. Probably the reason we are in this mess, to begin with. She couldn’t get her head out of trouble on the campus, and we are all paying the price now. Me, the ever-loyal brother who helped her get onto the board, which drives drunk girls around campus after parties. Me, the guy who helped her find some of the leads and convince some almost witnesses to talk. Tali, who was her double date to party after party with the hopes of finding out who had the GHB. Who gave it to who? Why it ended up in someone’s drink? We were all accomplices in her figuring out who did it. Now we are all suffering the consequences of our desire for a distraction from the world, which is frequently out to get us. The world where we have everything to lose. The world where the likelihood of losing ourselves is so freaking high._

“You had a couple of seizures, no diagnosis yet. You hit your head during the seizure. At least that’s what Tali told me. However, that’s not the reason you’re still here. Um, Melanie, do you remember anything from the last few days?”

From the shake of her head, and the growing look of terror which turned into pure despair. I can tell she caught my drift. The moment she realizes what her memory gap has to be must have been the most terrifying moment of my life. Her face and to a certain extent, her whole body goes through seven levels of fear and distrust and honestly plain disgust with the reality that we are now facing. She must have noticed the two others watching her as she grabbed my hand and pulled me against her. As soon as her head touched my chest, I feel her flinch and pull back.

“Hey, it’s okay. We don’t need to touch each other if that doesn’t feel good to you.”

She retorts, “I want it to feel good, I want to be comforted by you. I want a hug for fucks sake. But it felt like how it felt when Ezra touched me. It burns, and it feels like a bullet is succumbing to my skin.”

She’s blinking through the tears which had begun to stream down her face. And I want nothing more than to wrap my arms around her and never let go. Thankfully, for both of our sakes, I know that doing this will just send her into a panic attack and likely a flashback. Instead, I take a step back and just pour her a glass of water and hand it to her.

Her hand is shaking when she grasps it.

_I wonder if it’s going to end up down her clothes rather than into her mouth._

Instead, she makes it work, and I guess I should have remembered she knows her own limits.

Tali turns to Melanie and looks like she wants to pull her against her chest.

Instead, Tali turns to me and asks, “I think you need something to eat, baby, why don’t I get you some Gatorade, the red kind your favourite? Maybe some soup, that way it’s bland enough you can probably keep it down.”

_Soup’s Melanie’s favourite. Like the broth especially. She gobbles it down so quickly and just in such large quantities._

“Thanks, Tali. Could you grab my noise-cancelling headphones as well? It’s just loud with the buzzing of the fluorescent lights and like all the hospital sounds. It just hurts. Like sensory overload kind of hurt, but maybe, it’s just this bad because of my head. Do I have a concussion?” Melanie questioned.

“I’ll grab your headphones,” Tali replied, glancing at me. Her silent look is clearly asking, _Does she have a concussion?_ I look back and try to convey that _she is definitely showing symptoms of one,_ _which is rather worrying of itself._

Tali turns away and announces that she will be off. _I watch as Melanie waves at her with a scared look on her face, and I wonder again if all of these_ _Hospital visits are getting to her or just the reality of what has happened. Or if it’s just the bigger piece of sitting in a room with only her brother, who is the reason she’s in this mess and two almost strangers. Friendly strangers, after all, Melanie can become friends with practically anyone regardless of the situation of how she met them; she’s always had that friendly with everyone gene._

Once, Tali is out of the room. Melanie turns to Logan and Mac and asks the very opposite question then what I thought she would. She asks about what information they’ve gotten on the serial rapist. I can see the moment when Logan chooses to pause, and I can just imagine how he thinks that it’s too soon to have this conversation.

But of course, Melanie being Melanie, she hasn’t caught onto the thought process, which is definitely going through every other person’s head in this room. Because what does she bring up? The fact we’ve been investigating the campus rapes and then in another wave of surprise to me. She brings up the fact she knows they have been looking into them as well, and then to just throw another curveball at me, she begins to march through her list of investigators. Starting with the three of us (me, Tali and her), moving onto a girl by the name of Veronica Mars who seems oddly familiar (maybe we came across her in research?), Veronica’s friend Mac whose roommate was raped, Veronica’s boyfriend Logan, and the Criminology TA.

Finally, Mac interrupts her and announces that she’s going to grab some lunch as well as it seems like she’s not really needed here.

Melanie seems to have completely reverted back to normal, although she’s never had any issues throwing on a mask and hiding behind it until she’s alone. She’s done a decade of acting classes and between that and hiding her mental health from everyone until eventually telling Tali and then hiding it again. She has a talent for lying unless she’s asked to be 100% truthful, which is when she has more trouble. She usually tells some semblance of truth, which is her way of getting around her tells. She’s going through the evidence, and what we’ve already found out until she reaches the realization she’s part of the pattern. She is evidence of itself, and her hands begin to claw at herself. And then suddenly, she’s pulling her sweater off and stops short.

“What the fuck, James? James, did I fuck up?”

I guess my expression and thoughts of fear for her were extremely obvious because she turns to me and Melanie repeats her question, “James, did I fuck up? Why don’t I even remember? Did I do this, or did this happen when it happened?”

She’s now blinking tears into existence, and I do have to wonder how much water she possibly has in her body to cry as much as she does. She’s reaching out her hand to mine and stops short for a second before deciding to go ahead and do it. Once I have her hand grasped safely into mine, I pause to collect my thoughts.

I reply, “You didn’t fuck up. I interrupted whatever happened. The guy whoever was in the room was the campus rapist. I think he was going to cut your hair when I interrupted, and I got the razor out of his hand, but it must have fallen and cut you.”

“Oh. But I didn’t do this to myself. Right? That’s good, well, not good. It’s not good what happened, but I don’t know if it would be worse if I did this to myself,” She whispered.

She continues to inspect herself with both her hands, and it takes me a second to realize what she’s really doing. She’s doing a secondary assessment from first aid. As she runs her fingers over her whole body, she eventually gets to her head and begins to pick her way through her scalp until she gasps. Suddenly, her breaths are coming in heavy, and in a matter of seconds, she’s hyperventilating. Each breath she draws in comes out with a little wheeze. She’s paled, and it takes me a second to think about what I can do given the fact that she’s probably still in sensory overload.

 _Touching her is out. So, is wrapping her into a hug to give her some pressure to grasp. She’s worked herself into a state quickly enough that just handing her some water really isn’t going to do much. So_ , I scrap all of the typical ideas and reach into my pocket for my phone. I quickly search my contacts until I pull up Alex’s number and hit dial. While I’m explaining what exactly is going on to Alex, I hear Logan try to calm Melanie down. He’s quieter and is talking her through a breathing exercise, and I can hear her breathing start to relax a bit but still those awful wheezing and hyperventilation. I make sure my phone is on speaker and hand it to Logan. Alex’s voice comes out of the phone a little echoey, but honestly, that’s okay.

Alex: Melanie, hey, baby. You’re okay. I’ve got you. You’re okay. Take a deep breath in, baby. There you go. I’ve gotcha. Deep breath. That’s it.”

Within the few minutes where Alex spoke, Melanie has calmed down to only gentle wheezes escaping her lungs. She’s still flushed but seems to be recovering faster than average. Once her breathing is fully back to normal, I ask what set her off. The look she gives me would generally be enough for me to back off.

_But, negatively for her, we’re in a hospital together for who knows how much longer, and I don’t really care about what’s going through her head right now. All I care about is not triggering her and setting her off by accident into another panic attack._

Finally, Melanie speaks. “There’s a scab on my head, James. I’m missing hair. Out of anyone in the world, it would be pretty easy to tell that I’m missing hair. My hair is thin, very thin. So thin that a bald spot should be pretty obvious. Although, given what you’ve told me about my morning, I’m not surprised that Tali hadn’t realized. I’m a bit surprised that the doctor or you didn’t.”

Logan has come closer during Melanie’s speech; he stops in front of her and quietly asks if he can take a look at her head. Melanie reacts by asking about what first aid licenses does he have that deems him a better judge than her. Logan’s look of surprise is mixed with hurt which is enough for me to step in.

“Melanie, why don’t you let Logan take a look at your head? Another set of eyes won’t hurt you. He’ll be careful.” After Logan agreed. He began combing through her hair until he paused and called me over to look.

“James, she’s right. It’s just one chunk, though.” His voice begins to shake as he continues, “it’s the same spot and amount as what happened to Veronica. I think it’s a message, maybe for us all to back off. I think I should call Veronica. I think we might need some help.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter is still in the process of being written. I do have a plan of where next this will go, I really just need to sit down and write it.


End file.
